There are no words -- edited

I had to call the hospital at about 8o'clock on September 15th to see if they had to room and/or find out what time to show up. They told me that they would call me when they were ready for me. My mom arrived about an hour before I got the phone call -- I was a NERVOUS wreck. I didn't want to sit down for long, I wanted to get the phone call and get the show on the road. I was sick to my stomach, the anxiety was definitely getting the best of me. I got the phone call at about 10oclock and they told me to head that way in about 20-25 minutes. My mom followed us up there and Michael drove me. We got to the hospital and the nurse came and got me, and took me up to the 3rd floor of St. Joesph's Hospital in Bryan, TX. The feeling I was feeling; I can't explain. First of, I HATE hospitals. I can't stand the smell, and a good thing is that St. Joe's L&D was newly remodeled, so it didn't have the "hospital" smell, yet. : ) Secondly, I HATE needles. Why did I get pregnant you ask? Because I knew it would be all worth it; but that definitely didn't take away the fear. My mom took a picture right before I was officially "admitted" into the hospital. You can see in my face at how scared I was.

The nurse started the IV, took my vitals, etc. My mom left before they started the medicine, which was to soften up my cervix which was about 12ish. While on the machine, I was having contractions, and had no idea. Didn't feel any of the minor contractions that I was having on a regular basis. I didn't start feeling the contractions until about 3am, and that was off and on. The nurse also came in about 3am and gave me another dose of the medicine. But don't think that I was able to actually rest, because I wasn't. Every couple of minutes the machine automatically took my blood pressure; I mean who can sleep peaceful(even WITH sleeping pills!) when this machine is squeezing your arm off? Seriously? && not to mention it sounded horrible. I basically watched TV and told Michael to try to get some sleep because apparently we were going to be at "this" stage for awhile, since my doctor was predicting us not to have him until September 17 early morning. He tried, but he wasn't really to sleep well. At about 6am, the contractions started getting more intense. Michael asked if he should text my mom, and I said, "no, because I don't think anything will happen for awhile." She was coming at about 8am, no matter what. So I thought it would be okay to let her sleep...I don't think she was though. ; ) Which she wasn't because about that same time, she text us and asked how everything was going. So Michael told her that the contractions were coming relatively close. She let us know that she was getting ready and would be up there shortly. At about 7am, I had to go to the bathroom, so the nurse came and helped me, since I was still REALLY loopy from the Ambien that she gave me to help me sleep/relax -- she helped me get back into bed and she went out the door; not even 5 seconds later; my water broke. I looked at Michael and said, "Hmm, my water broke I think." He ran out the door and got the nurse again; which confirmed that my water had indeed broke. At that time, I knew the contractions were going to get more intense(I mean that is what happens on the TLC shows I had watched the few days before to get me ready...haha!), so I decided to have Michael text my Mom and let her know. That definitely got her up and running. And those TV shows weren't lying, the contractions got really intense -- I learned very quickly that I would be one of the lucky ones to have back labor. I would have Michael push as hard as he could on my lower back during each contraction. He would watch the monitor and see when they would start and automatically get to pushing. It helped me concentrate on him pushing on my back then the pain itself.

*Michael pushing on my back during a contraction*

My mom got there shortly after 8, and I was in full force active labor -- back labor. Michael needed to eat breakfast, so my mom stayed with me while Michael went to eat breakfast -- and she was the designated "push on Ashlee's back during a contraction" person until Michael came back. My mom notified everyone in my family on her way to the hospital and Michael took a few seconds to let his family know of the update. Michael's mother was the only one from his family that was coming to the hospital but she had an appointment for work before she would even be able to leave Houston to come this way. My family was already on their way since the first phone call telling them my water had broke.

My nurse gave me some medication to try to relieve the pain some, but warned me that it would make me feel loopy. I said, "Give it to me anyways!" It went through my IV & immediately I felt faint and weird. I looked at Michael and told him that I didn't feel so well, he let the nurse know & she looked at me and said, "that's normal, I told you it would make  you feel weird." I said, "okay, but I don't feel my back?!" They both laughed. I went to sleep -- I took about an hour nap; but apparently I was saying off the wall stuff randomly...I kept my my mom & Michael laughing. : ) That medicine wore off at about 915 and by 930 my doctor came in to check on my progress. She wasn't informed that my water had broke; once she found that out she said I was about a 6 and that she would recommend me get the epidural because of the intensity of the contractions already. She then said, "By the way, is your family on their way? Because I said he wouldn't be here until tomorrow early morning...well, I think he'll be here this afternoon." I told Michael that he needed to let his mother know if she wanted to me here in time for the birth that she needed to hurry because when it was time...I was pushing. : ) My family and dad were already on their way.

At 930, I received the epidural. That was the worst experience throughout the whole thing. The doctor administering the medicine was super rude and second my spine is curved...so he had to stick me like 5 times. Oh it hurt so bad...but let me tell you --- it was TOTALLY worth it. I didn't feel anything at first. Then all of a sudden, my side and back just ached...I couldn't get comfortable and every time I moved Jeremiah would get distressed. It got to the point that they were telling me not to move. Once they got Jeremiah stable -- they asked for another doctor to come in and give me a "boost" through the epidural IV....now, that stuff was MAGIC. I didn't feel anything from my hips down. I seriously went straight to sleep except for the random "do I still have a butt?" questions that I would ask & then when Michael would say, "yes, babe you do." I would say, "I can't feel it." : )

By 1115 I was dilated to an 8 and I was fast asleep after the nurse checked me. She told me to get my rest because in the next hour or so, I would be pushing my little heart out. Little did I know, she wasn't making a joke. Family started coming in, but I have no idea when exactly..because I was fast asleep. At about 12, the nurse came in and checked me and I was dilated to an 9. Michael said, "How will she know if she's ready to push if she can't feel anything?" The nurse said, "When you hear a baby crying from under the sheets." : ) She said, that she would notify Dr. Bertsch and that she would start getting prepared. After she checked me, I went back to sleep. Seriously -- it was pretty amazing -- I recommend the epidural boost to ANYONE. : )At 1245, she checked me again and said I was at a 10 and ready to push, but they had to wait for Dr. Bertsch, she was in another delivery room delivering and then she would be right out. So family was able to stay in the room until then, I took that opportunity to get in one last rest time before the pushing...for hours started (or that's what I've heard happens...). My dad looked at me taking a nap dilated to a 10 sleeping, and said, "You know, if she would be in a little more effort in this...we could have a baby already." At 1:09 my dad posted on facebook that they were just kicked out of the delivery room.

The nurse wanted me to try to push just to see. After ONE push, she said, "Hmm, stop pushing -- you're already crowning. We have to wait for the doctor now." So we talked...waited for about 10 minutes. Dr. Bertsch came in we made some jokes...she got ready and came "in position" and said, "next contraction, we'll push." Contraction came, I pushed for 10 seconds. The nurse said, "hmm, you'll have this baby in one more push." Jeremiah's nurse said, "How many is this for you?" Michael, mom & myself all said, "this is her/my first." She said, "Oh my -- with your next children you might want to just stay at the hospital for the last two weeks of your pregnancy...because they're just going to slip right out of you." We laughed; contraction came; I pushed; Jeremiah Kurt Strange was born on September 16th @ 1:20pm. He was beautiful. He went to the "baby heater." Michael videotaped him; but about 5 minutes later -- Jeremiah stopped breathing. Then he would let out a whine, and stop again...he kept doing that so they had to call the NICU in immediately -- but because my son is apparently the jokester; he started crying right when the NICU's doctors and nurses came in.

Minutes old <3

After they examined him for a few minutes, they said he was fine and it might have been caused by the shock of the delivery. I got to hold him first; and there are no words to describe how I felt. It's the best feeling in the world. That moment changed my life forever. This is one of my favorite pictures from that day. : )

Family was able to come in the room to meet my precious baby. I wasn't feeling that great since my blood pressure had dropped. But they got that stable and had me eat something. Let me tell you, 30 minutes after birth --- you will eat about anything they put infront of you. They gave me a tuna sandwich and a coke! It was yummy! Daddy(Michael) took Jeremiah to the nursery to get his measurements. Family went to the nursery to watch from the window while I ate lunch. He came back and announced that Jeremiah Kurt was 7lbs 8.8oz and 20 inches long. He was perfect. They started getting myself packed, but I had some complications with being really weak afterwards, so they had to do more bloodwork before they would move me to my post partum room. Michael moved our stuff, and eventually they moved me.

Unfortunately, Jeremiah had to stay in the nursery through the night, since he had a couple of episodes after birth; they just wanted to keep him to monitor him better and make sure he doesn't have another episode. Family started leaving and my mom and nana went back to our to stay the night. The nursery doctors let us see and feed Jeremiah an oz at about 930 and we got to keep him for about 45 minutes. It was great I got to hold him, look at his toes and find out that he had his daddy's toes completely. I just studied him...and snuggled with him. I wasn't feeling well still(which we found out later that it was because I lost too much blood during delivery due to the placenta previa) but that didn't stop me from holding my baby. He was seriously, perfect. Nothing wrong with him at all. : )

*Our 9pm meeting*

The next day was better, and I got stronger and stronger  --- here's some pictures leading up to going home.

 *Our first family picture -- my birthday*

*After I took a shower -- the BEST feeling in the world -- a fresh bath and holding my sweet baby boy on my birthday*

Yes, I had the best 24th birthday EVER -- I delivered my baby the day before my birthday. Best Birthday ever. There are no words. Seriously.


*** Edited***
From the beginning of my induction Michael and my mom were telling the nurses that I was a wimp & I was going to give them a run for their money. Not going to lie, the IV & the epidural I might have been a wimp -- but whatever. : ) But after I delivered Jeremiah in two pushes Michael kept telling me "you're amazing...you did amazing." He kept me smiling, because I LOVED hearing him telling people that "Ashlee was amazing. She did perfect." I absolutely loved it. It was a very special time for Michael & I. Everytime Jeremiah was wheeled in our room for short visitations, Michael would jump up & look at me & say, "he's here. he's here." (Like I couldn't hear the door open after the knock the nurse would do.haha!) It was so amazing to see Michael with him, I had never seen him with a newborn before, and it melted my heart. The way he looked at me was totally different from when it was just Michael & myself, we had a baby that showed everyone the love that Michael & myself have for each other. It's amazing. The first time I saw Michael hold Jeremiah, I had a tear in my eye -- I knew he has always wanted to be a daddy & that was the best gift i could have given Michael. The next day after Jeremiah was born, was actually my birthday. I was still recovering from losing so much blood, so I had to spend my 24th birthday in the hospital, but i will tell you if you are going to spend any birthday in the hospital....make it the day after you have your baby...b/c it made it all better! I was uncomfortable, but family made it worth it, for sure! Mom & Nana stayed with me & Jeremiah while Michael ran home to take a shower, rest some & apparently run some errands! He came back with the most beautiful necklace with Jeremiah's and my birthstone & a gorgeous card. Love that man! My mom & nana brought me Texas Roadhouse for dinner!! Birthday Dinner in the hospital! It was freakin' amazing! I was released Saturday, finally -- and that was also the day that my Uncle Gerald, Aunt Breezy, Rylan, Kayleigh, and Aunt Nette were coming to meet Jeremiah for the first time. It was a great time. We went home & just relaxed for the rest of the day. It was great to have my little family home and it was great to not be pregnant anymore. : )

Like I have said before -- there are no words to describe the way I felt that day & even today when I look at my son. There are no words & there will never be words to describe it. : )

The joys of pregnancy

Michael and I had always talked about having kids. Not sure what happened but in August of 09 I was itching to get pregnant. Looking at pregnant women, would make me rub my belly in hopes that that would be me in the next month. We had been trying since September and with every month that passed my heart would sink. It felt like it was never going to happen. We knew it would happen when the time was right, but if you know me; well you know that I'm very INpatient. December was upon us and we were busy - really busy. We had our 3rd year wedding anniversary that we celebrated in the midst of finals and I graduated from A&M, also. I honestly thought if we didn't get pregnant in October or November -- there was NO chance we were getting pregnant in December. New Years came - we celebrated at the New Year's Bash with The SourMash Band, my Uncle Gerald's band. And did the whole fireworks thing, too!

Pictures from New Years'

We had a great time, but reality started right back up on Monday, January 4th. I went to work like normal - it wasn't until about 1 o'clock that the smell of french fries made me run to the bathroom. I immediately called Michael and said to bring home a test "just in case." He said, "You really think that's it?" I replied, "Hmm, I love french fries...I eat french fries, they usually don't make me feel like I have to vomit when I smell them. Yes, it could be a possibility." We didn't get "too" excited, because we didn't want to be disappointed like we had been for the past 3 months. I didn't even tell my mom that I was thinking I could be pregnant. I was basically going to take the test, just confirm that I wasn't. We both got home about the same time. I held my bladder until I got home, so I could take it right when I got the test in my hand. So I went upstairs and took the test. Laid it on the counter, turned off the light and left the room. Don't get me wrong, I walked back and forth for the next 5 minutes. I didn't tell Michael when I went back in there to check it....I walked in got right in front of the counter, and turned on the light. I looked down and couldn't believe what I saw. I had to look at it a couple of times and read the instructions about 5 times to make sure that 2 lines meant Positive. I walked to the stairs & screamed, "Hmmm, Miiichael!" He came to the bottom of the stairs & before he could get the word "what" out of his mouth he saw my smile & said, "Are we pregnant?" It was the best feeling in the world to be able to say, "Yes!" He ran up the stairs to look at the stick...to make sure it really had two lines. He looked at the stick & immediately said, "Go pee on another one to make sure." I just cracked up laughing. I said, "I don't have to pee anymore. I'm calling my mom." We sat on our bed and I told all of my family and once we were done calling my family; he called his. My mom is was super thrilled & so was the rest of my family; you could hear the excitement in their voices. It definitely made Michael & I smile even more. It was great! After we called everyone, Michael looked at me and asked, "You have to pee again?" I laughed and said, "no." I did end up taking one more before bed and it also came out positive and then I took one early in the morning and called Michael. Right when he answered I said, "3 out of 3 okay with you?" He said, "yep!" : ) We were on cloud 9.

The next four months were ROUGH. I was sicker than a dog and basically lived in our bathroom. It was miserable. Michael did an amazing job taking care of me. I wasn't able to hold that much in, everything I ate I was in the bathroom shortly after. Our first OB appointment was January 25th, it was to confirm the pregnancy and for an ultrasound. We found out that my due date was September & what was crazy is that my due date with Jeremiah was the same due date that my mom had with me. It probably was one of my favorite appointments. My heart melted when I first saw my little boy on the screen. It definitely made all of the sickness that I was going through and all the sickness I knew was still coming totally worth it. The face on Michael's face when he looked around to see was priceless. I absolutely LOVED being able to go through that with him right beside me. He pointed out the heartbeat in the ultrasound, it was sweet...even though he interrupted the midwife while she was talking! : ) From the beginning I had a feeling that it was a boy -- I can't explain it, but I knew I was carrying a boy.

*Our first ultrasound*

We made it through the first trimester and on April 6th, we found out that our baby was a boy. Of course, my husband also pointed out our son's area and confirmed it was boy before the tech was to that point. : ) I looked at him and said, "Hush, you have no idea what you're looking at!" He said, "I kinda do...I got boy parts." The tech and I just laughed. And she then confirmed that it was for sure a boy. We then brought my mom & nana into the room. I asked, "Would you like to know the name?" They were both shocked that we already knew, & of course, both of them said, "YES!" I told them that the baby's name was, "Jeremiah Kurt Strange." They both jumped up and down and we all hugged. We all had the biggest smiles on our face. It was perfect. I actually told them that Michael was smiling from ear to ear, & I thought that he would give it away with his big huge grin when he went to get them.

*From the day that we found out we were having a boy*

And we of course did our registry the weekend after we found out. Michael and I met my mom, nana and sister at BabiesRUs on 290 and made a day of it. Oh and we had a blowout on the buggy tire...seriously. We had lots of stuff for our sweet baby boy! It was so much fun!

I had a pretty smooth pregnancy. I did have to have more ultrasounds than usual because I was diagnosed with placenta previa. It's where the placenta doesn't move away from the cervix, which could cause trauma during delivery. My doctor from the beginning wasn't really concerned about me delivering naturally but was more concern on the amount of blood I would lose. As my due date came(and actually PASSED!) she said that she wanted me to try and if she saw problems they would be ready for a c-section.

*One of the many other ultrasounds we got to have*

I had an appointment that day of my due date, September 8th and I wasn't dilated or showing any signs of going into labor anytime soon...it was a really big disappointed especially since my sister had moved to Georgia the month before and was on her way to Texas to be here for the birth of her first nephew. Oh, I was so upset, cried and cried and cried.

 At my appointment we scheduled for me to be induce on the evening of the 15th and the doctor said it would take at least 24 hours before he would be born. I was NOT happy about that number; but we went with it and we told his family and some of mine not to come until we called because it would  be a long process. Of course, my mom came the night of my induction and stayed the night; so she could be here for support. I needed my husband and my mom with me. No matter what. : )

Tomorrow's blog will be the Delivery & the first month of our little boy! <3

Our Love Story

I graduated high school in May 2005, it was the ending of a chapter but also the starting of a new exciting chapter in my life. I was excited/nervous/scared to death...well, you get the point. Texas A&M is where I had always dreamed about attending...like my daddy. The weekend before classes were scheduled to start my parents & Nana moved me into my campus dorm in Wells. They left; I cried, but I knew my purpose. I was there to get an education, to receive a degree in whatever I wanted in the next 4 years, to enjoy my college years....getting/finding a husband was NEVER on my "to do" list. Classes started. Little did I know, that second class on Mondays, Wednesdays would change my life forever. In this class, Hist- we had to have assigned seats...stupid I know; but it was the rule. The second day of class wherever we sat - that was our new seat for the rest of the semester. I sat down && a handsome man sat next to me. (The first day I sat by him...but he found me & sat by me the second day to make sure he was sitting by me the whole semester...yes, that's the truth! Unless you talk to Michael...)

We made small talk for the first few months. We nick-named our professor "Dark Fingers," because he really did have dark fingers. We laughed...played tic-tac-toe during class...made fun of the other girl that sat on the other side of Michael that drew marijuana plants all over her paper...basically everything but listen to Dark Fingers. We exchanged first & last names...he kept telling me his last name was "Strange." Myself - "Okay, I won't make fun of it. I'm not rude. What is it?" It got to the point of the conversation that he pulled out his dl & then I actually did laughed. Oops.

I remember it was Halloween and I had told him that I wanted to get some candy from the store because we were told kids were allowed to come with parents to trick-or-treat. Thought nothing about it...until he "followed" me to the commons entrance, flagged me down & told me to get in and he would take me to the store. He says to this day that I had also told me that I got a really good parking spot in the garage so he was being sweet and allowing me to keep my spot(I don't remember that!). The only thing I could think remember was, "My momma told me to never get in a car with a stranger..and here I am. My momma told me not to. What in the world am I doing?" Needless to say, he did take me to get candy and he brought me back home. : ) I can now laugh at this, but then I was terrified that something was going to happen. Hehe!

We had a friendship that was unique. It was different. It was perfect. We went out to dinner some, but the best "date" we ever went on was the time we met at the local Coldstone shop. We sat there for hours, it was like 3-4 hours and just talked. I knew then that there was something special about this man. He was there for me in one of the toughest times of my life; November 18th, 2005. It was rough - but he was there.

My second semester; we continued to talk some. He took me to dinner and to get ice cream - he nicknamed me "Mary Poppins" so he would randomly text me when it was raining "Be Careful and don't fly away, Mary Poppins." It would always make me smile. Summer came & we lost touch in the beginning until about July. I text him to tell him that I was moving back in the beginning of August and that we needed to get together. We text for a good while -- had no idea he was visiting with his mother in Galveston. That definitely didn't stop him. : )

*Our first official date to The Hall for my birthday*

It was like the minute I was in town...he was there at my new apt waiting on me. Not really, but he was there the first day I moved it - Mom & Nana & myself needed help moving my T.V. so he came and helped. We had dinner at Olive Garden and they both to this day says they knew he was the one for me. We goofed off, and had a great time the whole day. We started actually dating in September...don't ask the date because it just happened! I met his sisters & their families & his mother the weekend of his birthday, October. We were engaged in November 06. It was fast..and sudden. && we were married December 15th, 2007.

 *The night before Rehearsal*

The wedding was perfect. Not saying if we were to do it all over again, there wouldn't be changes, because there would be some. But at the end of the day, we were married and that's all that mattered. No matter if there were people at the time that didn't agree that I was the best match for Michael, we were married. We loved each other and that was what counted at the end of the day.

*Photos from our wedding*

Not saying that we don't have our ups and downs, because believe me we have. But who doesn't? We've had hard decisions to make, family issues, but that has NEVER came between the love that we have for each other. I love him more today than I did when we got married. I love him more and more each day & can't picture my life without him. He's my soulmate, my lover, my best friend & my hero.

It's love. <3

March 2011 <3

The End.

Welcome -- to my life.

I've been wanting to start blogging for along time now, but really haven't had the time or I would think about it when I'm crawling in bed & believe me lately, I think about it for maybe 2 seconds & I'm out like a baby...well, until my baby wakes up, that is. Since this is my first blog, let me introduce myself -- My name is Ashlee Kidwell Strange. I have been married for almost 4 years, a graduate from A&M for almost 2 years, and a mother for the past *almost* 7 months. I have a lot of pet peeves so we won't go into them...but know, if you tick me off -- I'll let you know. : )

The reason that I've been wanting to start blogging is I feel it's a way to release myself...to be able to get my daily thoughts out of my brain before they blow up. : ) I've been thinking so much lately, that I have no idea where I'm storing the things I REALLY need to remember for the future. So, I think this is where this blog will help me. It will give me sometime to get away & put down all of my thoughts & unwind, relax and enjoy the time I get to be able to get away.

I will start blogging better later -- but for now, it's bedtime. : ) Until we meet again, hopefully soon!